a booklist

When I was fifteen I read a book called, Are You Really Going to Eat That? by Robb Walsh. 

It detailed all the disgusting things the author had eaten and the stories behind them. 

It wasn’t the food, but the stories surrounding the food mesmerized me.
I became obsessed. 

I read cookbooks the way other people read novels. 

I read about the history of barbeque, the art of sushi, the architecture of the perfect loaf of bread. 
I read the food encyclopedia, The Man Who Ate Everything, cover to cover. 

All five hundred and twenty-eight pages of it. 

My favorite books, however, were the food memoirs, because the lives of the authors wrapped around recipes and meals. 

Eating and love and destiny and history and romance-- in the lives of these magic people-- it was all interconnected and intertwined through food. 

These writers were the kind of people I wanted to know. 

They were all somewhat troubled, and clever, with strange childhoods. 

They had sexy lives-- slick with travel and encounters with famous chefs, rare cheeses, wine, cloud-like pastries, and sensuous lovers that entertained them in between courses. 

However, more than anything, I was fascinated that these magical people lived in pursuit of beauty. That an entire way of life could be structured around the ceaseless pursuit of flavors that lasted just long enough to be remembered and written about. 

And so eating and drinking, became for me, about the story. 

This year is almost over. 

I'm trying to comprehend all the stories, all the meals, all the drinks. 

Maybe it doesn't matter. 

But I can't help it. 

Do you remember? 

I want to say. 

Do you remember? 

Remember the butterscotch budino? 

Remember the time I cried, and he gave me the cookies for free?

Remember when I dropped the bowl of whipped cream?
Remember when we sat in Central Park and I gave you the rest of the pastries? 

Remember the rum, and the beach, and the lobster pasta?
Remember the Halloween samosas at 2am, and you were too drunk and I was too sober and everyone came and sat on the sidewalk, all in costume-- just to eat doughnuts? 

Remember the time I asked for “a pink drink please” and you touched my hand across the table?  

Remember the gelato and cheese and grapes, and rescuing a dog in the rain and I was barefoot? 

I didn't want an entree, but you insisted. 

You ate all the pizza, asshole. 

We only ever ate breakfast tacos. 

Do you remember? 

So it's been a hungry year. 

Very hungry. 

I have been learning that it is impossible to hold too tightly onto people. 

However, it is possible to love the memories and collect the recipes. 

And to remember this bitter and sweet year, with gratitude. 

Because if nothing else, at least we ate. 

And at least I got a story. 

XOXO

mary 

Some Food Memoirs You Might Read If You Are So Inclined 

* My favorites are italicized. 

The Man Who Ate Everything -- Jeffrey Steingarten

Are You Really Going to Eat That? -- Robb Walsh

The Tenth Muse: My Life in Food -- Judith Jones

Garlic and Sapphires -- Ruth Riechl 

Comfort Me With Apples -- Ruth Riechl 

How to Cook a Wolf -- MFK Fisher 

A Homemade Life -- Molly Wizenberg 

My Berlin Kitchen -- Luisa Weiss 

Blood, Bones and Butter -- Gabrielle Hamilton 

Toast -- Nigel Slater 

My Life in France -- Julia Child

Home Cooking: A Writer in the Kitchen -- Laurie Colwin 

The Sweet Life in Paris -- David Lebovitz

I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti -- Giulia Melucci

Shark's Fin and Sichuan Pepper: A Sweet-Sour Memoir of Eating Food in China -- Fushia Dunlop 

Climbing the Mango Tree: A Memoir of Childhood in India -- Madhur Jaffrey 

My Life from Scratch -- Gesine Bullock-Prado 

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle -- Barbara Kingsolver 

Sweet Potato Fries

Right now. 

Right now, I am relearning how how to spend days alone with myself. 

And I’m trying to figure out if a Friday night ever made me truly happy and if I should part my hair to the left again and if I can drink coffee on an empty stomach (I can’t) and that I like waking up in the morning and walking alone and also that I like howling along to the same three CDs I keep in the car. 

These are tiny, quiet things. 

Sometimes, life is very quiet. 

I’ve been trying to not write too much. 

And not think too much. 

Because I am trying to be light. 

Just do the best for the day, and let that be enough. 

And not get bogged down in futures or pasts. 

Because otherwise it is all so difficult. 

So the leaves are rosy again and November looks and smells and tastes exactly the same. 

I’ve been eating a lot of apples lately and not doing anything in the kitchen because the mental forethought that that takes is kind of beyond me. 

I’ve got three sweet potatoes languishing in my cupboard that I wanted to make sweet potato fries with, but I keep forgetting which spices to buy. 

However, you should make them, because you will be popular and famous if you do. 

That is a promise. 

And darling love, Thanksgiving is just a few days away. 

And I am so thankful for you, so thankful for the more than two people who have returned to read about recipes here. 

It means a lot. 

Be safe. 

I wish you only the good things. 

xoxo

m 

Roasted Spiced Sweet Potato

from The Gourmet Cookbook

1 teaspoon coriander seeds

1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon kosher salt

2 pounds medium sweet potatos, scrubbed

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

Put rack in middle of oven adn preheat to 425 F.

Coarsely grind (or finely chop) coriander, fennel, oregano and red pepper flakes in coffe/spice grinder, a mortar with pestle, or chop them together very finely. Stir together spices and salt.

Cut potatos lenghtwise into one inch thick wedges. Toss with oil and spices in a roasting pan and spread out in one layer. Roast for 20 minutes.

Turn wedges over with a spatula and roast until tender and slightly golden, 15 to 20 minutes more.

Tortilla Soup

There is a book I love that I have never read. 
It is called What It Is.
I love it for the title. What It Is. 

Right now-- all this-- it’s just what it is.

My mother tells me I need to be more patient, and I guess that’s how you get through the days when the blues and the mean reds come-- by clinging to the belief that tomorrow will be better.
And frequently tomorrow is better. 

It’s almost always better. 

But frankly, I feel like I’ve got this stack of tomorrow promises that I waste a lot of time thinking about, when really, I simply need to be present for right now, for whatever this what it is happens to be. 

But on those days, when the blues arrive, and the mean reds threaten to swallow and swamp me in memories of the past or promises of the future-- I go to Central Market, my favorite grocery store. 

I go to Central Market, and I take one of the plastic salad dressing containers from the salad bar and I use it as a cup to sample all the soups at the soup bar. 

I always try the tortilla soup. 

It is my favorite. 

And somehow, even though soup sampling with salad dressing cups in undoubtably pathetic, somehow, this also cheers me up. 

Because like kittens and grass and trees and hot cups of coffee-- soup just is. It’s just what it is. And thinking about what it is scares the blues and the mean reds away. 

And sometimes that’s all that can be done. 

So I finally made some tortilla soup for myself this past week, because I got tired of driving to Central Market. 

And the flavor of something so simple and so good. 

I don’t know. 

It reminded me that no matter how unsettled things might feel-- everything is just what it is. 

And that is more than enough. 

love, 

m

Chicken Tortilla Soup

via allrecipes.com 

1 onion, chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 teaspoons chili powder

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes

1 (10.5 ounce) can condensed chicken broth

1 1/4 cups water

1 cup whole corn kernels, cooked

1 cup white hominy

1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chile pepper

1 (15 ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained 

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

2 boneless chicken breast halves, cooked and cut into bite sized pieces

crushed tortilla chips

sliced avocado

shredded Monterey Jack cheese

- In a medium stock pot, heat oil over medium heat. Saute onion and garlic in oil until soft. Stir in chili powder, oregano, tomatoes, broth and water. Bring to a boil and simmer for 5 to 10 minutes. 

-Stir in corn, hominy, chiles, beans, cilantro and chicken. Simmer for 10 minutes. 

-Ladle soup into individual serving bowls, and top with crushed tortilla chips, avocado slices, and cheese. 

Midnight Cheese

There's a line from the Joni Mitchell song "My Old Man" that I love, it goes "The bed is too big, the frying pan is too wide."

Baby, that's where I'm at.

Lately, when I can't sleep, I roll out of bed and stand in cold light of the refrigerator and eat hummus and chocolate and cheese in an attempt to fill up the night and the hollow spaces inside me.

Because at night, I easily get lost in the past and overwhelmed by the future, and food is so tactile and so real that something as simple as a snack brings me back to the present, which is also intimidating, but better, because there is chocolate to be had in the present. 

And chocolate is comforting. 

The famous food writer Ruth Reichl wrote a beautiful memoir called Comfort Me With Apples, which is a mostly perfect title, but if I were to write that food memoir right now it would be called Comfort Me With Chocolate. Or, Comfort Me With Cheese. 

Baby, if we're being totally honest, I just can't bring myself to really cook meals these days. 

The frying pan is too wide. 

So mostly I am eating eggs, hummus, beans out of a can and apples and coffee and beer. 

Which is simple and small and just fine. 

But this is really to say, I think about you all the time and I have a lot to say, I'm just figuring out how to say it right. 

I don't know. 

I'll bake you a cake soon and we can talk about that. 

But right now my frying pan is too wide, and I really just want to eat two kinds of cheese until I'm full enough and then go laugh and drink beer with my people. 

Because right now that feels nice and sweet and good. 

So. 

Cake soon. 

Meals again soon. 

But for now. 

I love you I love you I love you. 

xoxo

mary 

Excellent Midnight Cheeses:

Tillamook Sharp Cheddar: http://www.tillamook.com/

Cabot: http://www.cabotcheese.coop/

Barber's 1833 Vintage Reserve Cheddar: http://www.barbers1833.co.uk/

Tiramisu

I spent several hours last Friday with Luca and Piper, making a tiramisu. 

It was so beautiful. 

I accidentally dropped a entire bowl of whipped cream on the floor.

We dunked ladyfingers in rum and espresso, stirred custard, and layered everything with architectural precision for hours. 

I thought to myself: There is nothing else I would rather be doing. 

I don’t know quite how to explain to you, but sometimes I so strongly feel the unbearable brevity of life. 

Dessert is a perfect metaphor for this feeling: you eat it, and it is gone, living on only as a picture and a memory of a flavor. 

These days, there is so much to love, to hold on to, to learn, to do. 

There is so little time.
These nows do not last forever. 

I don’t know what to do with this feeling.
But it makes me want to make more tiramisu and sing louder and hold you tighter and tighter.
Because tomorrow is uncertain. 

Because life is too short to not do these things. 

Now does not last forever. 

It is all so short. 

It is just so very, very short. 

(We made it for a birthday.) (Also Luca took most of these pictures.) 

xoxo

m 

Tiramisu
from allrecipes.com

6 egg yolks
3/4 cup white sugar
2/3 cup milk
1 1/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 pound mascarpone cheese
1/4 cup strong brewed coffee at room temperature
2 tablespoons rum
2 (3 ounce) packages ladyfinger cookies
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder


-In a medium saucepan, whisk together egg yolks and sugar until well blended. Whisk in milk and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture boils. Boil gently for 1 minute, remove from heat and allow to cool slightly. Cover tightly and chill in refrigerator 1 hour.

-In a medium bowl, beat cream with vanilla until stiff peaks form. Whisk mascarpone into yolk mixture until smooth.

-In a small bowl, combine coffee and rum. Split ladyfingers in half lengthwise and drizzle with coffee mixture.

-Arrange half of soaked ladyfingers in bottom of a 7x11 inch dish. Spread half of mascarpone mixture over ladyfingers, then half of whipped cream over that. Repeat layers and sprinkle with cocoa. Cover and refrigerate 4 to 6 hours, until set.

The Best Breakfast Taco in Austin, Texas.

I ask people questions. 
It's like a bad party trick. 

I ask people questions like:
Do you believe in God?
And how do you pray?
And what does it feel like to be young?
And have you been in love?
And what does that feel like?
And how many people have you kissed?
And where do you find the best breakfast taco in Austin?

Because I have wanted to know the answers.

I wanted someone to explain God to me.

And I wanted to be shown how to pray because praying confuses me. 

And I wanted to know what people thought youth was, so that I would understand my own lack of comprehension. 

And I wanted to know love like it was a fact.
And I wanted to know how many people you kissed because it's a fun question to ask.
And I wanted to know where to find the best breakfast taco because really that's the most important question of all.



I don't feel like asking these questions so much right now. 
Because here is the thing.
I have been learning how to love the question itself.
Because these are blessed unknowns: God and prayer and youth and inexperience and love, it is all just a perpetual question mark.
There is no definite answer.
No finite conclusion to come to.
Maybe time is the only real answer.
I don't know.

That said.
There is one conclusion that I have come to.
One unalterable, finite, perfect truth: Austin, Texas is the best place in the world to eat a breakfast taco.
Without doubt.
Without question.
Below are some of my favorite tacos in this gorgeous city. 
When it comes to this, there are no question marks.
Only full stops.

All my love,
m


Tamale House

5003 Airport Blvd
Austin, TX 78751

Phone number(512) 453-9842

Tacodeli 

4200 N Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78756

Phone number(512) 419-1900

Bouldin Creek Coffee House & Cafe

1900 S 1st St
Austin, TX 78704

Phone number(512) 416-1601

Counter Cafe

626 N Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78703

Phone number(512) 708-8800

Maria's Taco Xpress

2529 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704

Phone number(512) 444-0261

Papalote Taco House

2803 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704

Phone number(512) 804-2474

Torchy's Tacos

1311 S 1st St
Austin, TX 78704

Phone number(512) 366-0537

Dan's Hamburgers

5602 N Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78751

Phone number(512) 459-3239