Coconut Macaroons.

This is a painting I love very much called Christina's World: 

When I saw it in person I gasped. 
That is how much I loved it. 

I found a postcard of it in an old journal I'd kept last year. 
It struck me as particularly relevant now. 
So much yearning. 

I read that the girl, Christina, had polio and the lower half of her body was paralyzed. 
And one day the painter, Wyeth, saw her crawling through the grass to get to the barn. 
And he painted what he saw: 
So much yearning. 

That's how I feel right now. 
Like I'm crawling into a future that I can't quite reach. 
My own barn. 

I'm trying so hard to begin the process of creating a life for myself. 
I don't know how to do this. 

My dad likes to tell me, one day at a time, one step at a time, one bite at a time. 
Slowly crawl to the barn. 

I'm surrounded by so many beautiful people right now. 
People like my friend Margaret, who dreams her own gutsy dreams, and has started to realize some of them. 
I want to be like that. I want to realize dreams.  

But right now I'm still figuring out what the dream is. 

I don't know. 

So I go swimming with Murphy, and I call my brother. 
I go dancing when I am sad sometimes. 
I write my name in chalk in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night. 
I try and reason these mistakes and misunderstandings, make them into digestible lists and lessons. 
And I try to be inspired and I try to enjoy this sun and these days and these people, for what they are. 
I stumble. 
I make coconut macaroons that melt in the mouth. 
And I eat every single fucking coconut macaroon because they are so so good and I am so so hungry. 

I don't know. 

So much yearning. 

I am Christina. 
But I am building the barn and trying to get to the barn all at once. 

At least, on the way, there are coconut macaroons. 

XOXO


Coconut Macaroons


via JoyofBaking.com

4 large egg whites at room temperature
1 cup white sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt 
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup cake flour (I used regular flour) 
3 cups shredded or flaked coconut

You can do what I did, which is completely forget to follow directions, hastily combine all ingredients, and just bake them until brown. I was happy. Please note that these are quite sweet, decrease sugar if you don't like desserts that are borderline saccharine. 

OR YOU CAN ACTUALLY FOLLOW DIRECTIONS: 

In a heatproof bowl, placed over a saucepan of simmering water, whisk together the egg whites, sugar and salt. When this mixture is warm to the touch, and nice and creamy, remove from heat and stir in the vanilla extract, flour and coconut. Cover and refrigerate for about two hours, until firm. 
Preheat oven to 325 F and line two baking sheets with parchment paper. 
Place small mounds (heaping teaspoons) of the batter onto the parchment lined baking sheets, spaced several inches apart. Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool on the baking sheet for about 10 minutes and then place on a wire rack to cool. 
Makes about 2 dozen. 

Chocolate Chip Cookies & Valentines Day

February, man. 

It's a rough month. 

School is hard. The weather is fickle. Life is tricky. And there's Valentines Day. 

 

Lately, I've been asking the cosmos to just throw me a bone. 
This past week I fell over twice because my backpack was so heavy, which simultaneously made me want to laugh and cry. 
I chose to laugh, but really wished that someone would just give me a hug instead. 

Also, Valentines Day is this week. 

There are about 2 things in the world that I hate. 

I hate papayas.

And I hate Valentines Day, even though it means lots of marked down chocolate on february 15th. 

Which is definitely a win for the stress-eating singles of the world. 

Whatever. 

Tonight, I made these cookies. 

This is the third time I've published this recipe here, and ironically, the last time I posted it was exactly around this time last year. These cookies somehow answer all my comfort food cravings and February sweetness needs. 

I hope you have a lovely week, and I hope your backpacks are a little lighter, and I really hope you make these cookies, because February man, it's a rough month. 

XOXO

m

Perfection In Your Mouth Chocolate Chip Cookies

from Baking: From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 cup sugar

2/3 cup (packed) light brown sugar

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 large eggs

12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped into chips or 2 cups store-bought chips or chunks

1 cup finely chopped pecans or walnuts

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Whisk together flour, salt and baking soda.

Working with a stand mixer w/paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter on medium speed for about 1 minute until smooth. Add the sugars and beat until well blended. Beat in vanilla. Add eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each egg goes in. Reduce mixer speed to low and add dry ingredients in 3 portions, mixing only until each addition is incorporated. On low speed mix in chocolate and nuts.

Spoon on tablespoons of dough onto baking sheets, leaving about 2 inches between spoonfuls.

Bake cookies, one sheet at a time, for 10 to 12 minutes. Until light brown on edges and golden in center.

Allow cookies to rest for one minute. Then using spatula transfer to cooling rack.

Baked Brownies

Something I have decided:


I need to chill the fuck out.


Really. Frankly. Honestly. Lately I have been so intense. About everything. Notably the future, which is scary and big. 


And this just 





WILL NOT STAND.


It is summer baby. 


You are not supposed to worry about things like:


-who you are going to be when you are thirty
-some people have children by the age of thirty
-my god someday i will be thirty


I am getting so ahead of myself. 


Deep breaths all around. 


I tell myself to just appreciate the sky. 


Only lately, I do this and then I am wondering about infinity and thinking about how small and insignificant I am and that is also scary as fuck because I am going to be dead eventually and then the particles that make up my soul are just going to be space, 




which actually isn't even that scary, it's just cool. But that is also more thinking than I need to be doing right now.


Also, I need to take more naps. 



The point is. 


I should just eat some brownies and calm down. 


The chocolate helps with anxiety. 


It's science.





Or whatever. 


I have always had really mixed feelings about brownies. Mainly because I feel like they are the ultimate copout dessert. Everyone can make brownies. And everyone does make brownies. Brownies are not original, thoughtful, or even particularly interesting. They're just- brownies. 
On the other hand, a beautiful brownie is just... heavenly. 


These are heavenly brownies. 

With five eggs, a cup of butter and 12 ounces of dark chocolate chips, eaten with a bowl of vanilla ice cream, how could they not be heavenly? 


This is real talk. 


Anyways, I eat these and get progressively fatter, but also progressively happier. And that is a very good thing. 


My mother was telling me how many small happinesses can rest in simple routines and habits. And that I should work to order and routine and habit things in my head and life as a way to get rid of the anxiousness I feel about the future. Because lately, everything I have done has been disordered and out of habit and routine. 
Perhaps she is right. 


But for the time being, I really just want to eat more brownies. 


xoxo


Baked Brownies
from Baked: New Frontiers in Baking by Matt Lewis and Renato Poliafito


These are really really really outrageously good. I mean it. SO GOOD. Best Brownies EVAH. Trust me. 


1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons dark unsweetened cocoa powder
11 ounces dark chocolate (60 to 72% cacoa) coarsely chopped
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 teaspoon instant espresso powder
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
5 large eggs, at room temperature
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter the sides and bottom of a 9 by 13 inch glass or light colored metal baking pan. 
In a medium bowl, whisk the flour, salt and cocoa powder together. 
Put the chocolate, butter and instant espresso powder in a large bowl and set it over a sauce pan of simmering water, stirring occasionally, until the chocolate and butter are completely melted and smooth. Turn off the heat, but keep the bowl over the water and add the sugars. Whisk until completely combined, the remove the bowl from the pan. The mixture should be room temperature. 
Add 3 eggs to the chocolate mixture and whisk until combined. Add the remaining eggs and whisk until combined. Add the vanilla and stir until combined. Do not overbeat the batter at this stage or your brownies will be cakey. 
Sprinkle the flour mixture over the chocolate mixture. Using a spatula (NOT a whisk), fold the flour mixture into the chocolate until just a bit of the flour mixture is visible. 
Pour the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top. Bake in the center of the oven for 30 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through the baking time, until a toothpick inserted into the center of the brownies comes out with a few moist crumbs sticking to it. Let the brownies cool completely, then cut them into squares and serve. 
Yeah baby. 

Perfection In Your Mouth Chocolate Chip Cookies

The thing is, every day I feel so endlessly overstimulated by so many people and professors and reading and walks and phone calls and avoidance of homework that I just... Feel empty. A little obliterated actually. I wake up raring to go and collapse into bed at the end of the day, sleep like the dead and then do everything all over again the next day. Don't get me wrong, these days are great. Truly wonderful. I love love love them. 

Also, right now I feel like I should be in a band called SO MANY FEELINGS. 

Because that's how I've been feeling lately: there are just TOO MANY FEELINGS. 

Anyways, to fill this pit of exhaustion and Too Much Feelingness I've been eating a lot of chocolate chip cookies. It's not stress eating because I am always genuinely hungry. That's another thing. I'm never full. 

Anyways, basically the point of all this is to say, I am completely and utterly besotted with these cookies. My roommate is too. We eat eat eat them. We are at the point where we don't even try to rationalize eating them. We just eat them. I had a cookie with breakfast today. It's all part of balanced meal. I try and start my day right. Because these chocolate chip cookies are perfect. And when I say perfect I mean, PERFECT. They are crisp, they are soft, they are sweet, they are salty, they are chocolatey, they are wholesome, they are home.  

Basically, the point of all THIS is to say that these cookies honestly have curative powers or something. Because I always feel better after eating one. Or three. 

xoxo

Perfection In Your Mouth Chocolate Chip Cookies

from Baking: From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan

P.S. I already wrote about these forever ago, but I've fallen in love with them all over again and I just wanted to remind you how good they are. 

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 cup sugar

2/3 cup (packed) light brown sugar

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 large eggs

12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped into chips or 2 cups store-bought chips or chunks

1 cup finely chopped pecans or walnuts

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Whisk together flour, salt and baking soda.

Working with a stand mixer w/paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter on medium speed for about 1 minute until smooth. Add the sugars and beat until well blended. Beat in vanilla. Add eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each egg goes in. Reduce mixer speed to low and add dry ingredients in 3 portions, mixing only until each addition is incorporated. On low speed mix in chocolate and nuts.

Spoon on tablespoons of dough onto baking sheets, leaving about 2 inches between spoonfuls.

Bake cookies, one sheet at a time, for 10 to 12 minutes. Until light brown on edges and golden in center.

Allow cookies to rest for one minute. Then using spatula transfer to cooling rack.

Oatmeal Cookies

These cookies.

These cookies.

One of my summer goals was to find the perfect oatmeal cookie. (Question: Is it weird to have goals during the most un-goal-oriented time of year? Even if the goals aren't really GOALS?)

My friends, the cookie has been found.

Baby, summer is OVER. This depresses me to no end. It even smells like fall now.

And this summer was special, because it was the first summer I wore a bikini. Believe it or not, for the past 17 years I've never bared my midriff. Not even once. As a little girl I saw bikinis as something that only "Big Girls" wore. By the time I hit puberty I was so uncomfortable in my body that the thought of exposing more flesh to the world seemed more degrading than exhilerating. And then a few years went and that's how I became the only teenage girl on the planet who wears a one piece.

I wore my one piece with pride. I was at the forefront of a one-girl movement to return to morals, "COVER THY FLESH" and all that jazz. It was like my own personal 11th commandment.

And then I realized that I was at the forefront of a ONE-PERSON MOVEMENT.

And to be frank, that just seemed stupid and self-righteous.

For most of my life I've held almost as big a grudge against oatmeal cookies as against bikinis. Generally, I regard cookies as a shameless excuse to eat chocolate chips. So oatmeal cookies always seemed like a waste of a cookie, because of the serious lack of chocolate. (And yes I know, you can put chocolate chips in an oatmeal cookie, only then it's a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie and that's not an oatmeal cookie.)

These cookies, however, convinced me that there are some oatmeal cookies worth living for. I spiced mine up a bit by adding slivered almond instead of walnuts, a handful of unsweetened coconut and diced dried apricots. And they were delicious and and wonderful wonderful. It was a new experience for me. Kind of like wearing a bikini.

P.S. If you have ravenous hordes at your house it's a very good idea to double the recipe.

Thick, Chewy Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

from SmittenKitchen.com

1/2 cup (1 stick or 4 ounces) butter, softened
2/3 cup light brown sugar, packed
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt (I often use a half teaspoon, but I like more salt in my baked goods)
1 1/2 cups rolled oats
3/4 cup raisins
1/2 cup walnuts, chopped (optional)

Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C).

In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar, egg and vanilla until smooth. In a separate bowl, whisk the flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt together. Stir this into the butter/sugar mixture. Stir in the oats, raisins and walnuts, if using them.

At this point you can either chill the dough for a bit in the fridge and then scoop it, or scoop the cookies onto a sheet and then chill the whole tray before baking them. You could also bake them right away, if you’re impatient, but I do find that they end up slighly less thick.

The cookies should be two inches apart on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake them for 10 to 12 minutes (your baking time will vary, depending on your oven and how cold the cookies were going in), taking them out when golden at the edges but still a little undercooked-looking on top. Let them sit on the hot baking sheet for five minutes before transferring them to a rack to cool.

Best Chocolate Chip Cookies

I am not a master cookie baker.

Nope. That job is reserved for my little brother.

Michael. (At age 8.)

I love him so much.

Since he was a tiny mite of a child:

(at age 5)

Michael has always Gotten-Into-Things. Meaning that he's really good at fixing things and breaking them and dropping eggs on the kitchen floor when he was three and doing it completely on purpose. When he was little he wouldn't color inside the lines. He had the other kids do his coloring for him.

Michael's an excellent cook, because when he cooks or bakes, he likes to experiment. He is always doing crazy things with these cookies, he whips the eggs, he whips the egg whites, he works his special 14-almost-15 -year-old-magic.

So his chocolate chip cookies are always the best. And I mean The Best.

Happy 15th birthday little brother. I love you.

xoxo

(Me and Michael now.)

Best Chocolate Chip Cookies

from Baking: From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 cup sugar

2/3 cup (packed) light brown sugar

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 large eggs

12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped into chips or 2 cups store-bought chips or chunks

1 cup finely chopped pecans or walnuts

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Whisk together flour, salt and baking soda.

Working with a stand mixer w/paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter on medium speed for about 1 minute until smooth. Add the sugars and beat until well blended. Beat in vanilla. Add eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each egg goes in. Reduce mixer speed to low and add dry ingredients in 3 portions, mixing only until each addition is incorporated. On low speed mix in chocolate and nuts.

Spoon on tablespoons of dough onto baking sheets, leaving about 2 inches between spoonfuls.

Bake cookies, one sheet at a time, for 10 to 12 minutes. Until light brown on edges and golden in center.

Allow cookies to rest for one minute. Then using spatula transfer to cooling rack.

Chocolate Chunkers

Let me tell you a dirty secret.

I don't love brownies.

At least, I thought I loved brownies, but then I ate one of these cookies and decided that I would never eat a brownie again.

To be honest, brownies have a boring texture. They're either fudgey or cakey. And that's about it. Maybe there's a little crunch in the brownie because there's pecans or walnuts, but to be completely frank, there aren't very many people who love nuts in their brownies.

I know this from experience.

These cookies are an Experience, they are a beautiful cross between all that is good in a brownie (chocolate) and a cookie (crunch, exciting texture, chocolate chips, deliciousness, unfussyness.)

They are exciting to eat, because there are so many chips and chunks. While still hot out of the oven they're oozey and gooey. When they've cooled in the fridge they become little hockey pucks of chocolatey bliss.

Disclaimer: They are not for the faint of heart. They are rich. There is a lot of chocolate.

As always, these are from the forever wonderful Dorie Greenspan. She calls them wonderful in italics. So of course I had to make them.

xoxo

Chocolate Chunkers

from Baking:From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

1/4 cup unsweetedned cocoa powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

3 tablespoons butter cut into three pieces

6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped

2 large eggs, at room temperature

2/3 cup sugar

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

6 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped into chunks, or 1 cup store-bought chocolate chips/chunks

6 ounces best quality white-chocolate, chopped into chunks, or 1 cup store-bought chips/chunks

1 1/2 cups coarsely chopped nuts, preferably salted peanuts or toasted pecans

1 cup moist, plump raisins or finely chopped apricots

Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Sift together flour, cocoa, salt and baking powder.

Set a heatproof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water. Add the butter, bittersweet chocolate and unsweetened chocolate and heat, stirring occasionally, just until melted--the chocolate and butter should be smooth and shiny but not so hot that the butter separates. Remove the bowl from the heat and set it on the counter to cool.

Working with a stand mixer, preferably fitted with a paddle attachment, or witha hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the eggs and sugar togetehr on medium-hight speed for about 2 minutes, until they are pale and foamy. Beat int he vanilla extract, then scrape down the bowl. Reduce the mixer speed to low and add the melted butter and chocolate, mixing only until incorporated. WIth a rubber spatula, scrape down the vowl, then, on low speed, add the dry ingredients. Mix just until the dry ingredients dissappear into the dough, which will be thick, smooth and shiny. Scrape down the bowl and, using the rubber spatula, mix in the semi-swet and milk (or white) chocolate chunks, nuts and raisins, you'll have more crunchies than dough at this point. (The dough can be wrapped in plastic and kept refrigerated for up to 3 days.)

Drop the dough by generously heaping tablespoons onto the baking sheets, leaving about an inch of space between the mounds of dough.

Bake the cookies one sheet at a time for 10 to 12 minutes. The tops of the cookies will look a little dry but the interiors should still be soft. Remove the caking sheet and carefully, using a broad metal spatula, lift the cookies onto a cooling rack to cool to room temperature.

Repeat with the remaining dough, baking only one sheet of cookies at a time and making sure to cool the baking sheets between batches.

If, when the cookies are cooled, the chocolate is still gooey and you'd like it to be a bit firmer, just pop the cookies into the fridge for about 10 minutes.

White Chocolate Goodness

I love to try new recipes. I love eating different things. Maybe it's because I've grown up on several foods, (beans, rice, homemade bread) that are ALWAYS THERE. It's comforting, to know on the one hand that beans, rice and bread will always be in the refrigerator, waiting for me, but sometimes, I get impatient and demand to be fed something different. 

I often resist making the same thing over and over again. 

But not these cookies. NEVER these cookies. 

These are cookies to eat everyday, all the time. They are that good. They are as good as the Dorie Greenspan O-Cookie-of-Cookies-the-Best-Chocolate-Chip. But these babies. The babies are some serious competition. 

As I said before. They're that good. 

My parents even, who are notorious white chocolate haters love these cookies. They even bought more white chocolate specifically for these. Like I said. They're that good. 

Crisp Salted Oatmeal White Chocolate Cookies

Adapted from Cooks Illustrated by SmittenKitchen 

1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon table salt
14 tablespoons (1 3/4 sticks) unsalted butter, slightly softened
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats

1 cup white chocolate chips

Optional: 1 cup dried cherries, coarsely chopped (Ooh so good.)

1/2 teapoon flaky sea salt (for sprinkling on top)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line baking sheet with parchment paper or Silpat. Whisk flour, baking powder, baking soda, and table salt in a medium bowl.

2. Beat butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Scrape down bowl with rubber spatula, then add egg and vanilla and beat until incorporated. Scrape down bowl again. Add flour mixture gradually and mix until just incorporated and smooth. Gradually add oats and white chocolate and mix until well incorporated.

3. Divide dough into 24 equal portions, each about 2 tablespoons. Roll between palms into balls, then place on lined baking sheets about 2 1/2 inches apart. Using fingertips, gently press down each ball to about 3/4-inch thickness. (I never do this, I just spoon a little more than a tablespoon right on to the sheet and pat them down a little.) 

4. Sprinkle a flake or two of sea salt on each cookie

5. Bake until cookies are deep golden brown, about 13 to 16 minutes, rotating baking sheet halfway through. Transfer baking sheet to wire rack to cool.

6. Eat and moan with pleasure. 

The Reason I'm Here.

I'm here because I like to bake. A lot. Cookies. Pie. Cake. You name it, I bake it. 

These are the best chocolate chip cookies. Ever. Dorie Greenspan is the goddess of baked goods. 

These are unbelievably good. So good that a dozen will disappear more quickly than you can possibly imagine. 

Dorie Greenspan's BEST CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 cup sugar

2/3 cup (packed) light brown sugar

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 large eggs

12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped into chips or 2 cups store-bought chips or chunks

1 cup finely chopped pecans or walnuts 

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Whisk together flour, salt and baking soda.

Working with a stand mixer w/paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter on medium speed for about 1 minute until smooth. Add the sugars and beat until well blended. Beat in vanilla. Add eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each egg goes in. Reduce mixer speed to low and add dry ingredients in 3 portions, mixing only until each addition is incorporated. On low speed mix in chocolate and nuts. 

Spoon on tablespoons of dough onto baking sheets, leaving about 2 inches between spoonfuls. 

Bake cookies, one sheet at a time, for 10 to 12 minutes. Until light brown on edges and golden in center. 

Allow cookies to rest for one minute. Then using spatula transfer to cooling rack.