Right now I am lying on my bed with my shoes on.
White sunlight coming in through the window.
Two nights ago, I saw a band called Chipper Jones play.
Of course the beauty of music, and the particular beauty of live music, is that it brings you into NOW.
Watching the drummer play, I thought he was so graceful. Even though I’m still not totally sure what “grace” really even IS. Internal peace? Quiet? Silent passion?
Watching the drummer play, I thought he was so graceful. Even though I’m still not totally sure what “grace” really even IS. Internal peace? Quiet? Silent passion?
So much of my time these past few years has been me struggling to find a rhythm that makes sense— trying to find the grace in motion.
Like the kind of grace I thought that drummer showed, even if only for a moment.
I don’t know.
I realized the other day that from here on out, with only one semester of college to go, not that it hasn’t been real— but that the planned time is mostly ending.
It’s like the feeling I get when I think about how old I’ll be in ten years.
Or how I felt when I first realized that in the next few years many of my friends will get married, someone is going to have a baby, everyone falling in and out of love across time zones, working working working on their New Year’s resolutions for the rest of forever until
The End.
Of course, this is the beginning of the rest of forever.
I made a cake the other day.
A buttermilk skillet cake with a walnut praline topping because I like it when things are tangible. Because making things gives rhythm to days that pass so quick/slow.
And making things feels like grace.
This year, I want to make things.
One of my favorite people in the entire world sent me a mostly incoherent, very drunk email on January 1st. At the end of the message he said, “all my love. from a lost yet broken yet wonderfull soul.”
“Lost yet broken yet wonderfull.”
Somehow, I feel that this really sums it up.
"Yet wonderfull."
I love you I love you I love you.
xoxo
m
Buttermilk Skillet Cake with Walnut Praline Topping
from The Joy the Baker Cookbook
For the cake:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
3/4 cup buttermilk
For the praline topping:
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
1/4 cup heavy cream
generous pinch salt
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
Preheat your oven to 375F/ 190C, positioning a rack in the upper third of the oven.
Butter and flour the bottom and sides of an 8 or 9-inch cast-iron skillet (or a 9-inch cake pan).
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter and sugar until blended and lighter in color, about 3 minutes. Add egg and yolk, beating for a minute between each addition. Beat in the vanilla.
Turn the speed to low, and add half of the flour mixture. Next, add the buttermilk, and when the flour is just combined, add the remaining flour. Remove the bowl from the mixer, and gently finish incorporating the ingredients with a spatula, taking care not to overmix. Spoon the batter into prepared skillet or pan, spreading evenly. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until a skewer inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean.
While the cake bakes, make the praline topping: in a medium saucepan over medium heat, combine brown sugar, butter, cream and salt. Bring the mixture to a soft boil for 3 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla and nuts. Inhale.
Let the mixture rest in the pan for 20 minutes, to firm up. Once it has rested, and the cake has been removed from the oven, pour the praline mixture over the warm cake, spreading evenly. (If you chose to bake this in a cake pan instead of a skillet, remove the cake from the pan and place it on a cake plate, before pouring the topping over the cake.) Serve immediately, or at room temperature.
Cake will keep, well wrapped and at room temperature, for up to 4 days.
1 comment:
I spent the last week in Colorado trying to "find the grace in motion" while skiing. It's a challenging, rewarding and peaceful process all at once. I may have to incorporate those five words into my next post as I recap my trip.
While there, the idea of planned time ending also dawned on me. Someone who knows me well commented that a few years back, this realization would have caused me to erupt with anxiety as I consider myself one who finds comfort in planning ahead. The people I've encountered and experiences I've had in the last few years, however, have turned that quality in me upside down. While I still keep a tidy to-do list tab for my days and weeks, I find comfort in the excitement and mystery of what's next. I guess that's because I know it's all for good. And I've always pined for my twenties--the love, the babies, the career switches, the moves, the independence. It'll be good.
So cheers to the beginning of the rest of forever!
And documenting it on blogs along the way :)
PS THAT CAKE MY WORD!
Post a Comment