There is this line, from an Anis Mojgani poem that I love.
He says in his magnet poet voice, "I fallen in love, six, seven, eight, nine times Quentin!"
Some days, I feel like "I fallen in love six, seven, eight, nine times Quentin!"
Frequently I do not feel this way at all.
But if I am having an I-fallen-in-love-nine-times-Quentin-kind-of-day, I will tell you about James.
Because everything I learned about falling in love, I learned from James.
It was early summer, and I was in New York City, and I was often alone.
And I was having a TIME.
My nights were like disco balls and everything was messy and perfect.
And one day, when the messy perfection was making me cry because everything was so wild and beautiful, I walked into this cafe in the West Village. Because it had free wifi.
And James was there.
He took my order, and asked me what I wanted to eat and what I wanted to drink.
And before I even knew it, I was telling him about all the mess, and all the magic.
And he just
I loved his calm, post-law-school-why-am-I-a-waiter-why-is-this-crazy-girl-talking-to-me-demeanor.
I loved that he never carded me.
I loved that he was very kind and slightly bored with life.
He was perfect.
And I had told him so many sort-of-secrets, that once a week, for the rest of my time there, I went back to the cafe and gave him melodramatic updates about the state of things over bowls of spaghetti bolognese.
And he just
Once, he gave me a free plate of pasta.
That was when I knew our love was true.
So eventually I left New York and James for Texas, and so I found H., who gave me bowls of french fries and told me what to order when I came into his restaurant in tears or happy or crazy.
And now, here in Paris, I've got this beautiful thing going with this wonderful server, whose name I do not know, at a cafe I also do not know the name of.
But he has my order memorized and told me about this great beer called "Delirium" which is served in a glass with pink elephants on it.
And the fact that he smiles back-- in a city that does not smile--oh love, it is enough.
And every time I come back, for my same drink and same meal, he simultaneously takes care of me and leaves me alone.
And he doesn't look at me askance when I ask for a second beer at 2pm.
He is perfect.
Somehow, having just one person, in a city of strangers, who seemingly cares that I drink the correct beer, or who gives me the plate of pasta for free, or who doesn't mind if I say too much or too little-- I don't know.
It feels like the opposite of being lonely.
Which is, in essence, what love is.
"I fallen in love six, seven, eight, nine times Quentin!"
I love you.